”.. The dark side of our pretending is that what begins as a role becomes an identity. Initially the masks we adopt reflect how we want others to see us. Over time, however, they come to reflect how we want to see our self. But by this point we have thoroughly confused the mask and our actual experience. Our masks have become our reality and we have become our lies.”
- The Gift of being yourself by David G.Benner
I think things we are most afraid to face are not the problems we encounter or the difficulties we meet, but the giants within ourselves. To dare to come face to face to the depths of our own fears, the magnitude of our pride, and the true extent of our hurts. To not focus on the circumstance that happens but the things the circumstance brings out in us.
To not just numb it away and pretend like it doesn’t exist, or to generalize it to “just a weakness”, or to just capitalize on our strengths and just classify this under as a self that’s dead to Christ, but to look at it straight in the eye, see it as it is, feel your heart cringe and acknowledge its entirety of our own weakness and vulnerability.
It’s only then that we can truly invite God into our lives, to minister to that hurt, to love us despite the shame and to truly experience what his finished work means to us, what his love for us truly means, that it really isn’t hindered by the ugliness we carry or the inadequacy of ourselves.
We need to learn to live out of the illusion of a slightly imperfect self, or a denial of our true self, but to know how truly truly truly imperfect we are in and of our human selves and to see and experience how much we need our Savior who never halts for a second to fail to love and lift us up.
I’m learning and still learning to let Him tear down the walls I’ve built up so high to let Him love me in all the ugliness I carry and to remind me who I am in him and I pray the same for you.